I will not watch a second of the sideshow attraction that is All-star Weekend.
NBA All-star Weekend in New Orleans is fast approaching and I couldn't be less interested. "What? Are you not a true basketball fan?" I am and that's the reason I will not watch a second of the sideshow attraction that is All-star Weekend. Now, don't get me wrong, I think the All-star Weekend is great, if you're under the age of 12. If you're a grown man or woman and you get geeked out watching no defense and a ton of traveling, I suggest you check out the Harlem Globetrotters next time they're in your city. Short of miking the players up, that's all this weekend really is. Here are some things I would rather do than waste my time watching this joke of a game.
1. Watching Re-runs of "The Office"
Re-runs of "The Office" are better than watching re-runs of Lebron getting an uncontested ally-oop from D-Wade in a 175-176 nail biter that is sure to come down to the wire. No thanks, give me Michael Scott any day of the week.
Maybe I'll learn how to juggle this weekend, hell maybe even graduate from clown college. Still more productive than counting how many times Blake Griffin flexes and stares down the crowd after a routine lay-up.
3. Shop on Ebay for stuff I don't need
What's better than binge shopping for cool stuff to waste your money on? Not trying to understand a mumbling Shaq and a terribly inarticulate Charles Barkley as they bark at each other about who's fatter. You're both fat guys, let it go.
4. Watching the Winter Olympics in Sochi
Is curling even a sport? I don't know, but I do know its more entertaining than playing "Who wore is best" between Russell Westbrook and Dwayne Wade. Its a shame some poor kid in a sweat shop somewhere had to make some of the hideous ensembles those two walk around in. Do yourself a favor and use that bonus in your contract and buy some clothes that don't belong in a frat house.
I'm very lazy but maybe this weekend I'll get off my butt and go use my gym membership I've been wasting $50 a month on for the last two year. Anything has to be better than trying to decipher who the bigger d-bag is between Carmelo Anthony and Dwight Howard.
There you have it folks, five things you could do instead of watching the 2014 NBA All-star game. I'm going into basketball hibernation for the weekend. Someone wake me up on Tuesday when there are games worth watching again.